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At 20 years old, I had a realisation that changed everything for me. I’ve summarised what happened, and what you can learn from it too.
I have never known what triggered me to do it, but as an atheist second-year engineering student, I read a book called ‘Buddha, A story of Enlightenment’, by Deepak Chopra.
My eyes were opened to meditation. And as a fitness junkie, my mind was open enough to imagine that it is possible to train our minds too.
As a scientist, I went straight to the literature and found the benefits - and that was the start of me sitting every day. A few months later, I found the Vipassana 10-day silent meditation course. As they say, the rest is history.
At the core of what shook my reality was the insight that my state of mind is more important than anything else I can master in this life if I want to have a happy life.
It is up to me to make a heaven or a hell out of every moment. All events outside of me are beyond my control, all responses within me are in my control.
It is scary, to admit that we cause our own suffering by reacting the way we do, that only we can be held accountable for the way we feel. If we accept this, we become completely capable of becoming happier people. Taking responsibility gives us our power back.
We have a self-serving bias, we take credit when things go well, but blame when they don’t. We can't admit that we cause our own pain, so we externalise the blame. It makes it easy to feel good about ourselves in the short term but it makes our suffering worse in the long run.
The next time you think your unhappiness has been caused by something outside of you, notice, and don’t trust that thought. Start investigating how to choose a different response - a response that gives you your power back.
Take this a step further, next time you get injured, sick, depressed, or stressed - don't blame some bacteria or virus, your genetics, fate, boss or job, step back and practice taking responsibility. How can you change things? A paradox, by accepting that WE are responsible we get control back.
If you find it difficult to manage your reactions, a stillness meditation practice is the most effective way I’ve learnt how to build my conscious willpower - doing more of that would be my advice.